RELATIONSHIPS

Here at Train Your Genius, we say, Diversity is natural, expected, and valued.

Our neurodiversity is a fact, and a factor in relationships.

Relationships are a huge source of joy - or pain.

It is not by luck, by default, or by finding 'the right One.'

All relationships follow the Law of Cause and Effect. We get what we cause.

As neurodiverse genius individuals, we can cause extraordinary relationships!

Fact:

We ARE different. As humans, we each see, feel, hear, smell, sense, and think differently. Many times, way more differently than we ever realized. After 43+ years together, my partner and I are JUST starting to realize how different we are!

That is a fact, not a problem.

Here is how we take our differences and use them to our advantage.

Step 1. Discover our neurodiversities.

Step 2. Learn healthy relationship principles and patterns.

Step 3. Practice. Play. Enjoy life together.

Step 1. Discover our neurodiversities. These are our super powers.

We encourage you to learn about MANY neurodiversities. The more the better. At a minimum, learn your own. Then learn the ND traits of the people you love most. Learn our strengths. Our pitfalls and challenges. Bring compassion. Look with curiosity and a sense of humor. Open your heart. Be a courageous explorer! with unbreakable love.

Discover... This is Step 1 toward having fulfilling relationships.

Here are a few points to get you started:

Strengths in Neurodiverse Relationships

Unique Perspectives: Neurodivergent individuals are bringing their unique viewpoints and problem-solving approaches, enriching the relationship with diverse ideas and creativity.

Deep Connections: Many neurodivergent individuals experience emotions intensely and can form deep, meaningful connections with their partners.

Challenges in Neurodiverse Relationships

Communication Differences: Misunderstandings may occur, due to differing communication styles. For example, some neurodivergent individuals (autistic, bipolar) might struggle with interpreting non-verbal cues or implicit communication. Some strong visual-spatial thinkers (ADHD, dyslexic) have limited ability to hear and make sense of spoken words. They may literally need you to 'draw a picture.'

Sensory Sensitivities: Sensory differences are real. They can affect daily life. People differ in how much is too little or too much sensory imput. For example, I LOVE light. I actually NEED lots of light to see in focus, and have depth perception. My partner prefers low light. His vision is overwhelmed by too much light. This simple difference caused annoyance and resentment until we figured it out. Sensitivity varies. Be aware that there is a wide range of sensitivity to noise, light levels, colors, touch, smells, spices, chemical cleaners, foods, social situations and everything else. Each family member has their own levels. This requires adjustments - and patience!

Emotional Expression: Neurodivergent individuals often express emotions differently, which can sometimes be misinterpreted by family, friends, and others. This happens. You are ok. You express emotion in your own way. Be curious. Accept yourself. I have often been confused about my own emotions. Or lack of emotions. It is helpful to remember, there is no 'right' way to feel. Also helpful - choose good friends who accept and support you.

Step 2. Learn Healthy Patterns

Great relationships come from living healthy patterns. These may be challenging for your neurodiversity. Also, this may go way beyond neurodiversity. You may be a pioneer. You may be the first person in your family to live healthy relationship patterns. You can do it! Neurodiverse individuals are often 'chain breakers.' Your neurodiversity can help you, and become your strength. You are much stronger than you realize.

Be kind to yourself. Be flexible, and go at your own pace. You will need support. Relationships happen with others! (duh) Choose trustworthy, kind friends with great relationships. Or get help from caring professionals, or a support group. Sometimes, loving your family looks like taking care of yourself. To end a multi-generation chain of pain, or enmeshed toxic relationships, you may need to give yourself permission to go away and learn healthy patterns, and come back when/if you are ready.

Open Communication: Clear, direct communication helps bridge gaps. Discussing preferences, needs, and boundaries openly can prevent misunderstandings. When in doubt, check in. A child stage of development is to assume, and act on assumptions. Grow up your inner child. Learn to Ask. Listen. Get the communication. Accept their answer IS their experience. Accept that your own experience is yours. You are ok. They are ok. You don't have to match. Drop the belief that all people see, feel, and perceive the same way. Drop the belief that there is a 'correct' sensory experience.

Opinions and Facts: Distinguish the difference between facts and opinions. Realize that most people don't know the difference. Get clear for yourself. You own your own perceptions, ideas, opinions, choices, and consequences. Other people own theirs. Allow people to have their own opinions. You can keep your opinions or change them. Dialogue is a listening and speaking, out loud, that causes a space where ideas are exchanged and true intimacy can occur.

Self and Other: There is a stage of human growth, where people can develop a sense of self and 'other.' This may begin as early as 18 months old, and continues to develop from 3 to 5 years old. In many individuals, this sense of self/other may not fully develop. It really doesn't matter if this is due to neurodiverse genetics, or unhelpful family and cultural patterns. There are basic life concepts that can be learned. The Davis Methods are especially helpful. These concepts can be taught to autistic, and even non-verbal people. Bipolar, highly sensitive people, and all children raised in dysfunctional families may benefit from help in establishing healthy sense of self, boundaries, and life patterns.

Step 3: Practice, Play & Enjoy Life Together

Relationships Training: Healthy relationships are essential for a successful life. Patterns, learned as children, become automatic in adult life. Neurodiverse genetics may present challenges to learning healthy patterns. For example, a neurodiverse person may lack cognitive ability to learn healthy relationship interaction. More often, neurodiverse individual and families CAN learn healthy patterns, to override any destructive family and cultural patterns passed on by earlier generations. This requires learning, practice with group support, and time. Spiritual communities and twelve step groups may be helpful. Choose groups with supportive, inclusive, kind, and loving relationships. Avoid groups with judgmental, rigid, or harsh attittudes.

Empathy and Patience: Understanding and patience are crucial. Recognizing that neurological differences are natural variations can foster a more supportive environment.

Learning and Adaptation: Both partners can benefit from learning about each other’s neurodivergent traits and adapting their interactions accordingly.

By embracing our human differences and working together, neurodiverse couples and families can build strong, supportive, and satisfying relationships.